patience + papermaking
I don't have a final lesson for you. Sadly, a lot of the time, the paper that results when I try my best to fight my frustration or impatience generally ends up being of poor quality anyway.
There's an insider joke that the unofficial Korean motto is "Quickly, quickly!" I like to think that I am a patient person but the older I get, I realize that I cannot deny my Korean blood.
This is where I think hobbies help. If you watch papermaking videos, you would think the entire process is straightforward. Within a few seconds or minutes, you can see scraps converted into new form. But the reality is that there is a lot of waiting in the in-between.
Before you can beat the paper or blend it, it's best to chop it up as fine as you can. Personally, I manually shred my sheets two at a time. Sometimes only one if it's particularly thick. It's advised to let this soak in water before diving straight into the papermaking process.
And while more advanced papermakers may have no trouble with their first sheet, I struggle with mine more often than not. For every sheet that I put out to dry, there are countless more that I peel off the couching felt and dissolve back in my slurry to try again. Not to mention the multitude that don't even make it onto the felt because it's too thick, too thin, has too many air bubbles, or chunks that I kiss my mould back into the slurry to make another attempt.
Then, there are the countless sheets that were almost good enough. Sheets that I fudged at the last second when I was separating my mould from the deckle. Sheets that looked great but I rushed during the draining process and suddenly one corner is thicker than all the rest. Do overs as a result of runoff water messing up my edges or deckled edges simply because I was not exerting enough pressure when I shimmied the mould and deckle in and out of my slurry. Sometimes the slurry just feels very slippery and I create bald patches when I shake the water off too aggressively.
In short, there is a lot that could go wrong. Not to mention that the feedback is not immediate. With my setup, I can only inspect my newly formed sheets the next day. Because that's how long they take to dry.
If I were in it purely for the love of the craft, these instances might not bother me. But every day, I strive to make flawless sheets. Super smooth, untextured, and just the right balance of feeling substantial but so much that it feels like cardstock.
Sometimes, I wonder if the paper knows if I'm in a hurry or not. There are some days where everything goes wrong and I don't have anything to show for the time spent other than my pruney fingers. Days where I give up and decide to try again tomorrow and others where I fight through one mishap after another.
I don't have a final lesson for you. Sadly, a lot of the time, the paper that results when I try my best to fight my frustration or impatience generally ends up being of poor quality anyway. I guess I am writing this to say, I hope you have something, like papermaking, that forces you to slow down and pay attention to the details. Something that demands that you be in the present for best results. And that you may reap the fruit of your care.